Why are most of us so reluctant to ask for help? 

My dad was the strongest person I knew. Lovingly called the ‘Rock of Gibraltar’ by his family, he was always there whenever anyone needed help, but he would never ask for himself. When my dad fell ill, asking for help seemed like an alien concept to him, but he soon learned family and friends are a source of strength and power. 

A lot has changed over the years since my dad understood his own humanity and yet the stigma of asking for help remains in many circles. Why are most of us so reluctant to ask for help? 

As with my father, men often fall into this category. 70% of men today experience negative mental health, and keep it inside. The stigma also extends to others, who fear it might impact their careers, or impact how they are perceived.

“We are afraid of being judged negatively,” notes Heidi Grant, Social Psychologist & Author of Reinforcements: How To Get People To Help You. “People are also afraid to be a burden to others,” says Grant, but adds, “giving someone help is actually the most reliable source of self-esteem and well-being human beings have - also known as ‘the warm glow of helping.’”

As humans, we are hardwired to connect with and to help each other.

If we’re struggling, listening to our voice from within is a sign to recognize our need for help and to reach out. It is human-nature to need a healing connection from time-to-time, or on a regular basis.

Dr. Brené Brown, preeminent researcher in human connection, explains empathy as feeling with people. This connection allows us to recognize others’ feelings as similar to those we’ve experienced.

Further, Dr. Brown maintains a person in distress is able to better face the circumstance and find comfort in knowing someone is there and fully relating.

Learning to ask for help is never easy. It hasn’t been for me. Yet, it is ironic when faced with needing others’ help, it propelled me into a new life’s purpose. Soon after, I created a local, community-based group to foster connections that directly provide comfort and healing to those in need. Similarly, being a LifeGuide, it has enabled me to experience the ‘warm glow of helping’ in a way I never knew before. Now, I have learned the most important thing about my humanity is truly supporting others to find happiness. 

A quote by Mahatma Gandhi notes: “The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.” By helping others, it not only benefits the person asking, but also the person giving the help. It is a unique ‘win-win’ for all. 

Let’s break the stigma and normalize the conversation. If you feel someone is struggling or experiencing a mental health issue, simply asking, “How are you doing?,” creates a connection and lets them know you are here for them. 

Or, if you feel your own mental health is not in equilibrium, reach out, ask for help - you are not alone.

By Janet Grace N., LifeGuide, Growth, Purpose, and Fulfillment